365 project:"you were my greatest mistake, i fell in love with your sin"

53.

artist:anberlin
album:never take friendship personal

i picked this one up at a tooth and nail merch tent at some festival or another. my guess would be bamboozle, but i honestly don't even remember. i know that it was one of those buy so many, get them really cheap deals, and i needed something to round out what i was getting, so i went with this one. it sat on my shelf unplayed for years.

sometime last year, the song "the feel good drag" really took off...radio 104.5 was playing an acoustic version that was just sick. that was the time that i fell in love with the song. after hearing it a few times and wishing i had a copy, i remembered that i had that anberlin disk shelved, and decided to pull it out to see if that song was on there, and indeed it was. i took the plastic off and listened once or twice, but that was the extent of it.

even when it came time to listen now, for  the project, I've been putting it off for a while. the CD has been in the front seat of my car for a week or so just waiting to be listened to, but i kept finding other things to put into the CD player instead. the other day i was driving around though and was out of albums, so it was this or silence. i cant do silence, so i popped never take friendship personal into my player.

sometimes it just takes a really long time to "get" a CD. this was one of those times. for some reason on this listen, after several times of it not meaning anything to me, this CD really reached out and grabbed me. the opening track talks about betrayal and letting go of friendships that have become unhealthy, and i can absolutely back that right now. I'm dealing with that in my own life, kind of weeding through the people around me and trying to figure out who actually wants to be there and who really doesn't. I'm learning a lot more people don't, but I'm okay with that, because at this point in the game, id really rather know who wants to see me than continue to try to make plans to visit or hang out and be blown off or totally ignored. I'm tired of that. "never take friendship personal."

"when life is in discord, praise ye the Lord." i cant even begin to tell you how hard that line jumped out of the speakers at me. at the moment, my life seems to be tied together nicely in a pretty little package...i have a job i love, a terrific family and lots of great friends (my facebook brags 512 at last look) but if I'm being totally honest, I'm a bigger mess now than ever. i know why i feel so anxious all of the time. i know why my stomach is constantly in knots. there are so many things going on inside of my head that i couldn't even begin to share with anyone. no one would get it. or id hear about how dumb i am being. or id just get a look of disbelief and an "I'm sorry." none of those things are what i need, so its not even worth letting anyone in. "when life is in discord, praise ye the Lord."

overall, the album is harder than i like these days, but its something that i know i am going to be spinning a lot more often so that i can get to know it. i suggest you check it out, too.