365 project: "sometimes it hurts so badly i must cry out loud-i am lonely"

125.

artist:Crosby, stills, Nash & young
album:so far

i don't remember much about my first concert other than the weird cloud-movie on the stage, the lights, and of course the funny-smelling cigarettes, but seeing CSNY for my very first concert and at such a young age definitely set the tone for me for a lifetime of a really awesome taste in music.

i can remember being little and listening to this album on vinyl in the old house (i now own a copy of this album, though its not the same exact copy that i was raised on, but it looks like it could be...its beat to hell) and later on cassette in the dining room of this house. i was so good at rewinding and stopping exactly when the song was about to start...that was a true talent, friends.

i used to dance along the side wall of the dining room while listening to these songs, and ducking in and out of the now mud room, just being a kid and not knowing what i was singing but really loving it. i knew at the age of seven that those harmonies were silly good and that these guys were singing about something other than a broken heart, which i didn't understand, but knew that it was kind of a big deal. whether or not my parents would actually want to hear it, they built up the hippie side of my personality by exposing me to this kind of stuff when i was so little.

i don't even know that i could pick a favorite song on this album. for most of my life id have said "our house" was it, hands down, no contest, but now that I'm a bit older, its not quite as high on my list. its still a great song, and i actually really listened to the words for the first time in a long time this weekend, and its really a beautiful love letter, but, probably because i have a hard time believing in a love that works, i find that its just fallen out of favor with me.

its quite possible that "helpless" is my favorite from this album these days, because its how i feel. sometimes life just gets you down and you aren't sure how to pull yourself out of that, and sometimes, whey you feel that way, you just want to curl up and listen to a good song that conveys that. even just this past weekend on the drive back home, this was the song that i turned up and belted out along as best i could. (its really hard to sing four-part harmonies with one voice...)

so far is one of my favorite records of all time. that's such a big thing to say, really, for me, but its true. sometimes we have things that we carry with us for our entire lives, things of which we never tire, things that we will always love. this album, for me, is one of those things.