365 project: "and nobody nowhere understands anything about me and all my dreams"

day 4:
album:mellon collie and the infinite sadness (twilight to starlight disk)
artist:smashing pumpkins

i remember when this album was first released, i read a review on it. in the review, it was stated that the album would have been much better as one disk, because there were only a handful of good songs and the bulk of both of the disks were filler. i had just turned 15, and i knew from that point on that i could never trust a reviewer (the irony of that statement is not lost on me, believe me).

because this album is two disks, I've decided that I'm going to split it in half, and only do the second half of the album, the "twilight to starlight" disk. while i really enjoy both halves of this album, the second half has always been my favorite, because it was more mellow than the first, and because it is the half of the album with the song Stumbleine. i have no idea what it is about that song that makes me love it so much, even 15 years later, but its still one of the best things I've ever had the pleasure of hearing. the message, as far as i gathered, was one of lost youth and attempts at being a savior. something about those ideas i guess really resonated with me when i first heard the song, and i guess in a way still does. on paper, the lyrics don't make a whole ton of sense, but something about the way billy corgan sings them and the music that accompanies them seem to make them make all of the sense in the world...like those words just belong together.

in my junior year of high school, for my peer leadership program, i had to create an autobiography to share with the rest of my class and the peer group i lead in order to give them an idea of what made me tick. i don't remember much of it, aside from typing it up on my daddy's Brother Word Processor (oh man, we were so cool to have a word processor. ha.) and including, in full, the lyrics to the song that i loved the most at the time-thru the eyes of ruby.

"if you spin your love around
the secrets of your dreams
you may find your love is gone
and is not quite what it seemed
to appear to disappear
beneath all your darkest fears"

I'm finding through doing this project that, even 15 years later, the same exact songs provoke the same exact emotions in me. I'm not naive enough to think that i have not changed, but i believe in music enough to believe that its sentiment resounds forever. i still feel the same chills listening to this song now as i did hearing it for the first time on my tape deck in my bedroom the spring of my freshman year of high school.

youth is wasted on the young.