365 project"speak but a whisper. ill hear a sermon"

25.

artist:Copeland
album:in motion

there used to be this boy that i had a huge crush on. i remember telling a friend of mine that this boy was what i thought the perfect boy should look like. i mean, it was a bad news bears kind of a crush. he would come by my store on his way to school in the morning and it would never fail that id get the dropsies when id see him. id babble incoherently and lose all grasp of reality. i didn't know anything about this boy, but i liked him.

one night i was hanging out with Chris, and we went back to his apartment. when we got there, there was a bunch of talking coming from the one bedroom, so we went back to see what was going on, and the boy from above was there. of course i got all stupid and stumbled over my words and everything else all over again. Chris introduced us. i was freaking out on the inside but tried to keep my composure as best i could. we left the apartment pretty soon after that.

a little bit after that i was at work one night hanging Christmas decorations. i was in sweat pants and my Copeland track jacket. that boy came in and said "hey, you like Copeland?" of course i told him i did because i kind of really adore Copeland. turns out he did too. this was also the first conversation i had with him where i didn't stutter or drop anything. i remember everything about that moment, oddly enough.

we ended up deciding to go see them together. id seen them with Chris a few times, but this was different. i was so excited. i actually saw them once already on this tour and couldn't wait to see them again. (i cant remember who i went to see them with, because Chris was out of the picture by this time...) the night before the show i found out that Copeland had dropped out of the show. i was totally bummed, and asked him if he still wanted to go. he said yes. it was a miserable experience.

he ended up OD'ing about a year later. his death actually closed the gap between me and Chris, if you want to know the truth. well, not closed, i guess, but definitely bridged it a bit.

i still have a hard time listening to Copeland without thinking about him. i still wear that track jacket all of the time.