day 18.
artist:matchbox 20
album:mad season
i have been walking around in kind of a funk lately. this time of year usually does that to me, with my birthday right around the corner and another year looming on the horizon, but it felt different than just the normal growing pains. there was something else that i couldn't figure out. it occurred to me just now what else was bothering me...this project.
it was inevitable that as i was going through my Cd's i was going to have to get personal. music is such a big part of who i am, and i attach things to parts of my life mostly to help me remember, but sometimes it affects the way i hear those songs in such a way that it just ruins that album for me. lately I've been stuck on the Cd's that i was listening to right around the turn of the millennium. they are relate back to one specific person and the few years that he was a major part of my life. this entry is no exception.
when i moved out for college in august of 1998, my sister took over the bedroom completely. up until that time, we'd shared a room for most of our lives, and she was excited to have her own space, so she more or less removed whatever traces of me I'd left behind in that room. that was mostly okay for me, because i had my own life going on 350 miles away and wasn't worried much about my bedroom (or anything, honestly) that was going on back home.
this was all fine and well until i came home for the summer. i had nowhere to put my stuff, so the living room basically became my bedroom...i was sleeping on the couch and living out of Rubbermaid totes. my Cd's and CD player were set up on an old TV cart that sat in the room that I'm currently in, and i wheeled it into the living room at night when i was ready to go to sleep.
not having your own space in your own house can be kind of bothersome, though. i was always in the way when the kids were getting up in the morning and wanting to watch TV. i couldn't go to sleep until everyone else had left the living room. i had to carry clothes back and forth up the stairs to get changed because i had no privacy. it got old quick, so by the second summer, i started spending more and more time at his house. he lived right up the street by this time so i could walk back and forth, and i did so often. sharing his twin bed was miles better than sleeping on the couch, so i did that when i could. his mom loved me and didn't mind having me around, and i didn't mind being there. for what it was worth, i was happy.
there were nights, of course, when id have to stay home. i couldn't spend every night out, and sometimes he had things to do. sometimes i worked late at Marty and barbs and was tired and just wanted to come home and sleep. sometimes i went out with other friends. on those nights, i stayed home and fell asleep the same way i always have since i was very young-id listen to music. mad season was one of the Cd's that i played the crap out that second summer. it had just come out in may and i was obsessed with the song rest stop. there was so much going on that summer, though, that it just got lost in the gears of change.
when school started that following august, i was no longer going to school in western pa, but was starting a new life in a new school in jersey. i found out on my birthday that year that this particular guy had been running around behind my back with my good friend, and so that ended those relationships immediately. this CD went into a binder that was filled with predominately CCM stuff that i used for our shows, and i just never bothered with it. i was listening to Nelly and Justin timberlake and Brittney and other pop crap with the eight girls i was living with. things were changing, he was being left behind, and so were the reminders of him.
maybe this project will help me exercise those demons. there are a lot more to follow.
No comments:
Post a Comment